I glared at the title of this post for half an hour attempting to figure out what about 2011 I should do differently than 2010. I tried very hard to figure out what I could change about next year, what could be different and how I should live better when, in two days, we’ll be in the year 2011.
After a short time and for the first time in my life, I don’t want to change a single thing.
I was at a gay club in Jacksonville for New Years Eve 2006 because their NYE drag show was honestly pretty good. Don’t hate. I always do something crazy for new years. Friends of mine know about my other new years experiences like driving around SF’s warehouse district in a cushman and being pulled around in a “yacht tub” which is a yacht that was gutted, filled with water and blowers installed. Yes there’s a photo on Flickr somewhere and I’m not going to link to it. When 2010 arrived, I went to the top of a mountain and camped out away from the city. Another year, a friend dragged me to a “swingers party” and I swear I had no idea until it was too late. I escaped to the roof of the building to watch the fireworks while mischief was happening below. I’m just crazy like that or maybe craziness finds me?
Back to my initial story, the years that I was around people aside from close friends and the most memorable moment was at that NYE 2006 party where a middle aged drag queen stood on the stage before the clock struck 12 and said, “2005 sucked! 2006, we’ll have no drama, more fun and we’re gonna say no to all of the assholes in the world and this is our year to shine!”
Um. Right.
If your 2010 “sucked”, you have to change everything about your life and how you’re living. If there are ups and downs and there are moments when we’d rather not be here or would rather be somewhere else, then we’re not living our lives to the fullest.
If you end this year saying that it sucked and 2011 will be better, well, my news to you is that 2011 won’t be any better because 2010 as a year didn’t suck. Your outlook, your decisions and the path you chose brought you pain and misery. We’re responsible for our own destiny.
With that said, most of my friends know that I started 2010 in a weird place. Things were just weird. What we should do when things don’t feel right is that we should change them. Continuing on a path that isn’t working is the bad choice. I found a new job, moved to a new place, made new friends and left behind people that I wish I hadn’t but the result is that I am in a better place and everyone around me notices it.
I didn’t have resolutions to complete. I simply changed how I live and the decisions I made each and every day where small changed influenced big change. It didn’t happen overnight but, today, I’m happy where I am.
For this year’s New Years Eve, I’ll be in the cabin, up in the woods burning incense and candles, writing, reading and listening to music. Also, I’m babysitting a friend’s dog for the weekend so I do have a little company. I’m doing what I do every year, celebrating NYE with a bit more eccentric flair and in an unconventional way for someone my age and I’m damn happy about that. I haven’t “partied” on 12-31 since 2005/2006 but, even then, it wasn’t partying. I was at a party but kind of living out the night on my terms.
This year is different though. For the first time in every New Years Eve I can remember, I’m celebrating in my own way and I’m actually okay with it. In the past, I thought partying was a requirement and since I wasn’t in the mood, I felt like an outsider. For the first time, I’m going to be all alone on New Years and I’m oddly okay with it.
2011 is 30 hours away. I’m going to shed a single tear (as I always do) as a tearful goodbye and letting go of the past year and smile at the thought of a new year while giving thanks for all of my blessings, all of my friends and all of my family who have supported me throughout my life.
2010 didn’t suck and 2011 won’t be drastically better. I’m going to continue on this path. I may be living in Europe for the 2012 NYE or I might be back on the west coast. Who knows where I’ll phsyically be but, I can only hope I’m as happy a year from now as I am on this very day.
I’m happy and thankful and joyful.
Happy New Year.
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