The first thing that happens after you hook up your Xbox One and turn it on is that you spend like an hour guiding it through updates and calibrations and logins and setups. Among the other things it required me to do was sign in with my Xbox Live account, using login credentials that I have not had to remember since before Barack Obama became president. At one point I thought I had done it, only to discover that all I had actually done was create an entire new login account that was not affiliated with my Xbox Live account at all. Then I had to delete that one, but only after I reset my Xbox Live password so that I could login with my Xbox Live account. This came just when a long update had finally finished; I’d naïvely thought the thing was ready to play. This was the precise moment my enthusiasm for the entire venture began to sour.
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When The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt finished its installation, my children were noticeably taller, but also, the Xbox One needed to download and install an update to The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt before I could play it. Which, again: This is essentially non-optional if your Xbox One is not to be a complete waste of money, so you accept it.
I’m pretty sure that I’ve written about it here many times. Every 2-3 weeks, I get that itch to play Xbox One. After I have to insert & clean each game about 10 times before the console accepts my disk as a game (a common issue that I can’t get fixed since I’m out of warranty), there’s a 1 gigabyte update required. Before I bought a 2 terabyte USB Hard drive add-on, the message usually also said I had to install the game then update because the Xbox had ran out of space and deleted the install to make room for another game. I have 10 Xbox One games, the built in HD holds 8 at most.
Playing games online usually means I’m being murdered constantly by children who have nothing better to do than play games or I’m waiting 2-3 minutes for GTA V online to load or I’m dealing with a glitch that requires I fully reboot the Xbox One.
Seriously though, when I play GTA Online, I bring my iPad to the couch because every 15 minutes, I have time to read a New Yorker article while the page loads or my Heist waits for 4 people to join so we can actually start the mission. I love the game when I’m playing it but loading times need to be eliminated.
I miss the days where I slide the Power Button to the right, hear “SEGA!” a second later and Sonic The Hedgehog was on my screen and playable about 10 seconds later. No updates, installs, load times, boot delays or Internet connection required.