When people know me through this blog, there’s a lot of daily moments that are lost and I am terrible at documenting those. I’ve also matured over the years where everything isn’t shared with the Internet. The infrequent posts here are all I have.
Tomorrow on February 28th, Elizabeth is moving to Denver. There has been a sort of slow deterioration of our relationship but she’s departing for reasons that are bigger than us and you can read into that any way that seems appropriate. We met in October of 2010, became a couple in December and moved in together 2 years later in January of 2013. It’s not healthy to analyze what went wrong today and I’m sure over time, I’ll be able to step back and realize the mistakes that were made to lead to this but right now, I see both of us at fault in various ways. There were emotional to mental disconnects and as we both approach 30 years old, life goals that were also not aligned.
As of October of 2013, things changed and in December, she started looking elsewhere for employment, anywhere it seemed that was in her industry. I don’t think she was escaping but so long in Vermont had some effects that I couldn’t counteract and I admit that I also didn’t really put up a fight when she told me it was time to move somewhere new. I’ve moved before in the midst of relationships, I’ve sold it all and chased a job opportunity so I understand and can relate to her decision. In a week, she’ll start a new job at a new company in a brand new city higher up in the mountains in the industry she loves and she’s so happy.
I haven’t actually realized she’s leaving yet at the emotional level. I’m traveling a lot from work, typing this from a cafe in Sunnyvale California while she packs up her entire life and loads it on to a moving truck 2,700 miles away with her Dad. I set my own travel dates but this wasn’t an intentional band-aid moment for me it just happened to work out like this. I’m emotionally and physically unavailable while she embarks on a move that will separate us as a couple and geographically. Maybe it’s better this way? Again, I really have no idea at this time. I left for this trip a week ago and we grabbed burgers at one of our favorite local restaurants (an hour away sadly) and said goodbye. I played with Goomba and gave her a hug and that was it. It’s weird that she’s leaving and I left first like it was not planned but just worked out that way.
The thing is, I have always done things this way. Take a literal and planned approach, strip away the emotion and carry out the task and usually it’s 6-12 months after my actions do I feel a bit of happiness or sadness about them. Fight or Flight is maybe the best way to describe it but it’s in everything I do. I’ve been working on amazing projects at work and haven’t had a celebratory champagne yet and when people ask about Elizabeth’s move, I just sort of shrug. There’s no point in getting upset but it’s important to realize my life is different now. My house rent went up, my bills are doubling and my house will be empty. Messes are mine to clean up 100%, if something breaks or is missing, I’m to blame. I’m back to being self-sufficient which I enjoy a lot.
I have asked around on getting a roommate to help cover my bills. I travel 3 weeks a month, work from home other days and spend my evenings tasting beers with strangers at festivals, breweries and homes. I have some friends in the area now and I run my Beer Meetup Group so I’m busy and a roommate won’t see much of me. It’s something I’m seriously considering but can’t say for sure if I’m excited about the notion at this time. Having more of my paycheck is the only driving factor.
As for what’s next in my dating life, I don’t really have any plans. I’ve actually spent the last year on even deeper introspection of who I am and the term “graysexual” comes up a lot. Or that I’m asexual except for with people I greatly love or that I’m asexual but with the desire to nest with someone of the opposite sex and that’s it. I don’t have many male friends, all of my friends are girls who I love but nothing more. I don’t really date, I don’t think about girls or romanticize about any marriage, dating or kids. So I think it’ll be healthy to sort of spend the next year analyzing these feelings deeper and of course focusing on work even more. Run more, eat more salads and go on non work related trips.
I’ll be going to Europe for a vacation in April with a friend. I’d like to get a dog but my travel schedule is too insane so my house is now dog-less which does suck cause dogs are awesome. Maybe I’ll get back into volunteering at Big Brothers again. That was fun.
I don’t really have a concrete plan but, for the 3rd time in my life I’m single, once at 18, again at 23 and now at 27. I usually stay single for a year or two before dating again and that’s just how it’ll go. There’s no big epiphany at this time other than living expenses going up. Maybe this writing is just me rambling but it’s nice to put things out there for you all. Thanks for reading this blog. I really appreciate it.
I think Elizabeth is going to do really great things. She’s so smart and so driven to really shine at her job and in life. I’m proud of her for this move and the last 3.5 years has been a great time in my life. I’m happy we shared a path for a short time and, as with all of my ex GFs, I look forward to having coffee with her in Denver next time I’m there.