I took some time this morning on the treadmill to read the last 3 years of birthday posts. It’s cool to look back on what you were thinking and I’m realizing more and more that I’m influenced by my surroundings. It’s actually something I’d like to get under control. In cities, I feel challenged to work very hard, cram a lot into each day and explore as much as possible. I become a stressed caffeine-like being that’s a workaholic. I’m drawn to cafes and burn out because I don’t take a break. In my current situation, I am so relaxed and happy but I find it very hard to get started on blog posts, photography or work. I get things done but I slow down a lot. I feel lazy out here in the woods. As long as there is food in my pantry, I don’t feel like doing much of anything. However, there’s another aspect that balances things out. In cities, I feel depressed, anxious and inferior. I feel like I have to impress people, dress nicer and work twice as hard to keep up. Out here in the country, I don’t have that so I’m less anxious. My anxiety isn’t cured but, when I don’t see another human being or car for sometimes up to a week, there are no emotions about impressing anyone. It’s an issue that creeps up on me. For example, in London, I slowly became more anxious and was so happy to be on a plane back home. The city started to make my head hurt and I wanted to get out of there.
I’m doing great in 2012 and this year has been another one for personal growth but, in my last week as a 25 year old, I’m feeling more unsure than ever. I think the culprit is a mix of having more attachments and placing more value on my job and the future. In the past, I moved a lot and I was never at a job too long since most of those jobs were startups. Well, I’ve been in my current house for 2 years, the same job for 2 years and I love both of them. My day to day satisfaction is very high but my day to day anxiety toward losing those grows.
I was raised not to get too attached to things. So, the thought of losing my job makes me realize I’d probably lose my house or have to move to the city and find a new job and, although this isn’t a huge risk, the longer I’m in one place, the more anxious I get about losing those things and it’s a scary thought. I imagined that being somewhere for a while in a position that was important to the company would cause an employee’s anxiety to be lower. For me, it’s had an opposite affect. I’m not sure why and that’s been scratching at me for the last few months. No plans to leave where I am. Anxiety is still high. Nothing to do with my location or job, just a weird emotional thing.
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Something that was foreshadowed in last years post:
I learned about craft beer, grew my wine cellar to 100 bottles and finally have a home bar that competes with your average dive bar. I still need to buy a kegerator.
I never thought that one of 20 lines of things I did last year would turn into a hobby that took such an exorbitant amount of my time since then. My wine cellar is practically gone and I buy maybe 1 bottle a month now. My liquor cabinet is only touched by people who stay at my house as rental guests. I only invest enough to maintain it but I haven’t drank from it since last year.
Today, my primary hobby outside of work is tasting, reviewing, trading, traveling and making friends around beer. I had no idea this was such an involved hobby but it’s one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever tried out. I’ve met amazing people, brewed some great beer and traveled all over attending beer related events. It has not been a cheap hobby but it has been an excellent and exciting endeavor.
This of course raises more concerns. I have never promised to uphold a brand to the people who choose to follow me and read this blog. In fact, I’ve stated a few times that you should always expect me to be diverse and always-changing when it comes to what I write about here and how I spend my time. Change is inevitable. I applaud my friends who are able to write about Apple every single day for a decade. It gets VERY boring and arduous. My friend Alex reads, writes and lives Apple news and I’m impressed but also disappointed. I feel like there are other things he could spend his time on that are more rewarding. He enjoys it so I don’t worry about it. He could say the same thing about me and beer.
The issue has been that my recent love of beer isn’t in line with what my readers expect. It’s the main reason I started a 2nd blog for all of that content and I’m glad I did. It’s kept the reader numbers here high and there hasn’t been any mass exodus of subscribers.
Still. there is a drop in my engagement on Twitter with all of you. My follower numbers are steady but replies and favorites are down. I get spikes during Apple events because most of you follow me for tech things so this satisfies those groups for small periods. Most of my content is beer and I’m sorry about that. However, I get new beer followers at the rate that I lose tech followers. It’s just the nature of how these things work. Thanks to those who stick it out and reply to me despite my complete 180 degree switch on what I talk about online.
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A depressing part to my last section of this yearly update is that all of the weight I lost last year has been brought back by my new hobby. I still exercise but not enough to offset the caloric intake of beers. The solution really is to spend less time on beer. I’ve been reviewing 100 beers a month for 5 of the last 6 months. That’s 100 NEW beers each month plus enjoying existing favorites. This also is me brewing a total of 50 gallons of beer so far but most of that is shared with friends so not me drinking that much.
There are skinny beer drinkers that I meet. I don’t know how they’re so skinny but they are. I should start asking them why. Not only am I drinking beer but I spend a lot of time talking about it, trading and taking long road trips to buy special releases. This has lead to less time for focusing on more important things.
I admit there’s an issue here and need to correct it. It’s a big problem. My doctor has said my stats look good so nothing too damaging yet but it’s something I should monitor. Just as I take yearly fasts I should take time away from beer once a month to reset. If this means less reviews, so be it. Reviews are taking a lot of my time and I should just make sure I keep this under control.
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I did more weekend trips this year and less long trips. I only went to Europe once this year and didn’t go anywhere else. I did go to Florida for Christmas and spend a weekend in NYC in June. I’ll be going back to NYC in 2 weeks. And, for the first time since May of 2011, I’m going to SF for my birthday. This isn’t too many trips. More than most of my friends take but I’d like to travel more. Then again, the time at home has allowed me more time for hobbies and keep on top of work better. Going to Europe more than once a year would be a very expensive endeavor.
All of the weekend trips have caused me to go over on my lease miles for the first 12 months on my car. So, I won’t be doing too many more road trips in 2012 to help get the miles back under control. So, I’m sort of required to stay home more which is not always a bad thing.
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So, blogging has been slower and I spend more time taking in content. This is not something I expected to ever happen but, it’s a good thing. To take in and learn more than you spew out is probably a better approach. Not that my writings have improved but, I feel more conviction about the things I write these days. That’s a good thing.
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Along the line of media consumption, social media is a pastime that I’ve let flounder. The primary reason for this is that I simply can’t support any more services that don’t allow my data to be portable and owned by me and not leveraged for advertising. I used Path for a full 12 months and have zero options for getting my data. Same for Twitter and Facebook’s solution is just okay. From here on, I’m ONLY using services that free my data. This is my life memories and, with no short term memory, I need these archives to be permanent. I’m using DayOne so I can capture Path-esque moments on my Mac or iOS devices and it’s backed up to my server & iCloud. It looks and performs just like Path with no sharing settings. I enjoy sharing with my followers but not at the expense of jailed data.
I have no more info on Facebook except for what I post to Facebook like status updates and links. I don’t share links or reply to people on Twitter anymore and I have a service that backs up my tweets using the XML file of my profile every night. Twitter is a time capsule for me and not one that I can afford to lose. I won’t be using services that aren’t portable with data so that’s that. I suggest anyone that contributes heavily to social media to create an account on Backupify and MemoLane and use DayOne instead of Path. I also recommend abandoning services that aren’t able to be archived by the two services I mentioned above.
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My technology consumption slowed down a lot. Last year, I bought a new Macbook and iMac. I also got an AppleTV. This year, I bought a new television and the latest iPad. I don’t plan on buying a new computer in 2012. I probably won’t buy the iPhone 5….probably. The fact that I’ve had my iMac for 1.5 years and Macbook for a full year is amazing. I haven’t bought a new computer bag or headphones in 2 years. I bought my current camera 18 months ago. This seems like a very small product cycle but most of my technology in the past was 6-9 month cycles. I always sold the items before the warranty lapsed. I’m getting older and, if the technology works as a tool for what I need, I don’t care about the specs. This freaks me out a bit but has allowed me to save more money.
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I’m still in love with New Hampshire. I love my hobbies, house and friends. I am now so settled and happy that I greatly fear losing those things. Either way, I will keep pushing on. This post seems more somber but that’s to be expected. I’m no longer in a new place or at a new job. I traveled less and became engrossed in more consumption of media and a brand new hobby. The days go by very fast now and I have less to talk about. It’s a very odd feeling and I’m surprised I got this much out.
So, as I turn a year older, focusing on my body is a big priority. Doing the best I can at my job is another. Saving more money is another. Overall, I want to continue working where I am and stay in New Hampshire. I consider this area to be home. It can be really quiet sometimes but I love that. I think it’s also a good use of my time to explore some of the things I wrote at the start of this post. I’d like to learn more about my anxiety toward cities and, this way, if I ever have to move back to a city, I can do so more comfortably. The last year in San Francisco was very difficult and I shouldn’t let my surroundings affect me as much. So, healthy, happiness and job security are my 26th year goals. Sounds boring, right? Now that I’m 4 years from being 30, I think those are great things to focus on.
I’m spending my birthday week in San Francisco with friends. It should be a great time!
Here’s to another year. I have no idea how this year will unfold. I just hope a year from now, I still have my health and I’m loving my job and life as much as I am today. sorry for the very boring sort of standard update post but it’s a good indication of where I am mentally….staying the course, going at things one day at a time and trying to not take things too seriously or get too stressed.