★ Was it worth it?

Next time I’m feeling down, it’s this post that I’ll read. Everyone needs a post like this. We all need a chance to reflect and realize what we’ve accomplished and just how lucky we are to stand upright and take a deep breath.

Tonight, a friend asked me, “It’s 10:30! Why are you still working?” I responded that they didn’t know the old me. The me who used to work every day of the week and never take a holiday; the me who would eat dinner with Laura and then bike back to the office to keep going; the me who would wake up and grab his laptop without getting out of bed and plow through emails before even looking outside. The me who risked a high school diploma, missing prom, not taking a vacation and shutting himself out from the world to create using only 108 keys and a trackpad.

They asked. “Was it worth it?”

This doesn’t happen very often. It’s rare that I’ll pause and not have an answer. You want to know a secret? I paused and started counting. I counted the adventures and friends and lessons and I actually teared up a bit. My eyes were watery and I just smiled. I answered in as much as was possible in a simple text message and decided to write this down.

A few posts the came before this that may be worth a read if you’re bored:

1. When I Grow Up…
2. Being Open, Honest, Giving & Profitable
3. Changing The World is Easy
4. Accomplishments versus Life Expectancy
5. An Explanation of My Radical Life Changes

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It was worth it. Every day is worth it and continues to be worth it. I make mistakes each day. At this point in my life, at 24, most things are 2 steps forward and 1 step back. I’m okay with this. Without pitfalls, how would I grow? There have been moments in the past few years where I’ve paused and had that same fulfilled feeling. It doesn’t happen each day but there are moments when I feel things are in place at this moment. I’ll try to recount a few of those.

It was New Years Eve 2005. I lay on a beach blanket with one of my best friends. We watched the ball drop through the window of someone’s beach house. There were dozens of people crowded around a television set while the salty wind covered our faces. We hugged and as the clock struck 12, at random, my iPod lit up with a calendar reminder. It was a reminder that I’d be boarding a plane in 72 hours and heading to San Francisco for my 3rd Macworld. I funded the trip myself. I was just out of high school and was going out west to see my friends that I only saw once a year. As I hugged Tiffany, we started out onto the beach and I had friends on both sides of the country. This felt right.

After visiting family in early 2009 in Florida, I landed in San Francisco and checked in on Foursquare saying, “Home.” It was home. I was home and after a year in San Francisco I was home. I don’t have that yet when touching down in Boston but, I have to say, it’s quite the feeling. The runway, the trees, the view of the buildings. You know you’re home when you see the airport and city-scape in plain sight.

It was December of 2008. I was at a Microsoft party in San Francisco at the top floor of the Bank of America Building (555 California) and it was a crystal clear night. I looked out at the city as a couple of geeks played Rock Band next to me. I sipped the glass of white wine as my friend Brian snapped this photo. That was my view and I was grateful. BTW, this is me and my friend Dale taken the same night.

I was in Miami this spring and was sitting VIP at a BT show. For 10 minutes of the show, I stopped dancing and just sat down. I sat there and looked around at everyone dancing, drinking and enjoying Brian’s music. He was sharing and we were saying thank you. I observed from beside the stage at a club full of people. It was a beautiful moment. It just felt right. I thought of all that I had accomplished that year. That this was my first vacation and I was being rewarded.

It was my last night in San Francisco. I stood next to Laura and looked out over the ocean. The sun was setting. It was the last time I’d see a west coast ocean sunset for a while. I didn’t plan on coming back until I was all settled in New Hampshire. We snapped these photos (1,2,3)

I was in Amsterdam and, after a night of partying on my last night in the Netherlands, I was at a club at 4AM dancing with some Brits that I just met. I paused to take this photo and thought, “how did I get here? What decisions did I make? I’m grateful to be here right now. Hell yeah!”

At Lovefest in San Francisco in October of 2008, I left my house at 10AM in the morning to dance in front of city hall with a ton of other trance lovers. I snapped this photo. Then, at 8AM the following morning, I take this photo while waiting on the bus to go home. Yes, I had been dancing for 22 hours. I waited for the bus and thought how grateful I was to be able to take part in this. To dance and explore and survive on just water and no food for the entire time.

Finally, right now. Right now as I’m about to hit publish. This is a good moment. My hard work meant a lot of sacrifice but, in my short time on this world, at the age of 24, I’ve moved across country twice, loved and lost, learned a lot from my family and friends, felt an earthquake, met a governor, sat next to CEOs and celebrities, tasted every kind of food imaginable, stayed up all night for business and for fun, tried beers from all over the world, met people and befriended people who were from different cultures and I’ve tried my best do document every bit of it so, one day, I can look back and feel grateful. My friends in San Francisco, where I was just 3 months ago are enjoying 55 degree weather. I’m sitting high and snowy at 10 degrees. I could be there but I’m here. I’m here because I worked for it and, for the ability to do that, for the luck to be able to use my hands to create, I’m forever grateful. Next month, I’ll be back in Europe. The month after that I’ll be in Vegas or SF at conferences. The month after that is SXSW in Austin and after that, UMF in Miami. Soon, I’ll be 25. I’ll be a year older and god damn grateful to be alive.

Let’s count our blessings. I have ups and downs. You do as well. We always come out of it. We always have the luxury of air the breathe and food to eat. It’s the weekend. Let’s celebrate that.

Thank you.