Exactly one year ago, Laura and I began solidifying our idea of moving to San Francisco. It was on May 12th, 2008 that we made that decision. We touched down in San Francisco on May 31st which means that in 18 days, we sold our cars, all of our belongings and broke our lease in an apartment. I didn’t leave anything with family and we only had 4 suitcases when we moved to San Francisco.
A year is a long time and although it’s gone by very fast, I feel that I’ve been doing too much lately. I’ve been stretched very thin and I need to rethink things. Twitter, a service I fell in love with is growing larger and I have less faith in the community than I did before. My career helping companies market themselves online isn’t doing very well and my efforts to make enough money to get a larger apartment and actually buy a piece of furniture just isn’t working.
I’m tired of the grind and I’m going to focus on two things. My day job and one single project I have on the side. I’ll add on more things soon but right now, it’s time to simplify, add value, lead and master what I have going on in life and what I want to do going forward. I recently found $400. No it wasn’t from taxes but from something else. I didn’t even tell Laura I found this. I’m going to do something with it even though I should be paying off credit cards.
What’s Adam going to do? I have no clue. I want to get away to somewhere different, somewhere with trees and somewhere that I can just be alone. Looking back, I haven’t had a single moment to myself since moving to San Francisco. Out my window, almost 100 cars and pedestrians pass by every minute and this is the same at home and work. At night I have Laura and she’s great but I’m not ever alone to talk out loud and work out things just myself.
If there’s one thing I miss about living in Florida, it’s the quiet time and at night you can step outside to 10 acres of fields and see the stars without any cars or people to distract you. I miss that and I think it’s time to experience that again. Since I was 15 years old, I’ve never gone to spring break. Many of you that read my blog posts, you know how I feel about partying with a bunch of people and how I don’t find that appealing. Every year until I moved to San Francisco I would take Spring Break and spend 6 days in the woods with only what I needed. This has been a hard year and it’s been over a year since I made that kind of trip.
I’m looking for suggestions and I think I’m just going to get a pup-tent, a sleeping bag and some beans & franks and rough it for 2 nights. Where can I go? I need some suggestions. $400 doesn’t go very far considering I don’t have any camping gear or a car to get me where I want to go but I think this is the first step to realizing where I want to go next and what I need to do next.
Things aren’t going to get any easier if I continue this downward spiral of working for a paycheck and taking on projects that ultimately don’t go anywhere. I’m feeling defeated, lost and confused and I want to take a fresh look at the world and that all starts with a mute button on the noise.
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I certainly can sympathize with you, Adam. I know all too well the stifling effect of never being “alone”. It is very hard to focus and to channel one’s passion, or even to see clearly what that passion is, when you’ve got non-stop buzz.
I wish I knew the SanFran/California area better, but as I’m in Colorado, I have little knowledge of the place. What I can offer are some general suggestions that may at least set your mind onto a path that might lead you to a better idea.
I’m not sure how religious you are, but I do know that some churches in the world will let you “stay” within their walls for brief periods of time, to help you have some “alone time”. A lot of places offer small rooms for free or cheap, that can be useful for writers or thinkers. Also, the woods is a great idea, since there’s lots of quiet to be gained there. My one trip to California almost 15 years ago, we went through some kind of forest near San Jose, I believe. I wish I knew the exact location! :-(
The last idea is to possibly find a great library that may have rooms or areas available that are relatively quiet. Our libraries here offer study rooms which are very secluded and are great for being “alone”. For me, libraries in general are wonderful places for helping me stay motivated, as the atmosphere just breathes creativity and inspiration. I hope some of these prove helpful in some way! Take care, man!
I think I've got the perfect answer for you. http://www.norcalhostels.org/montara/
The Point Montara Lighthouse hostel. You can actually get there from SF with public transport. You'll need to connect to SAMS buses, probably in Daly City. And it's only about a mile away from Montara state beach. There's also great hiking on Montara mountain. I find the ocean is a great listener and sometimes even has some answers if you know how to hear them. If I weren't going to be out of town for the next 10 days I'd invite you over for a meal. It's not completely isolated like the backwoods is, but it is very quiet. Surprising considering how close it is to the city. The point is to get out of the hustle and bustle of SF and back to nature.
Hey, Adam. We all reach that point…and usually more than once in our lives. Do what you need to do to remind yourself what you're working for and why. Get away from the madness that has become our day-to-day existence, clear your head for a few days and come back with a greater sense of who you are and what you're really here to accomplish.
Walking away from civilization for a few days, with nothing in the noisy world outside to wake you up in the morning, might be just what you need to remind you what makes getting out of bed in the morning worthwhile. :)
Hi Adam, thanks for sharing your thoughts so candidly. I’ve recently discovered myself that it’s especially important when living in an ‘always-on’ city like SF to carve out “down time”. It’s exciting and inspiring to live in a place with so many entrepreneurial ventures and people, and I love the city for this. At the same time, this inspiration feeds my natural tendency to work around the clock on projects that I love doing. For me, i’ve recently realized, however, that physical and spiritual fitness is as important for well-being, as mental fitness. Little things like a muni ride to Ocean Beach, a day off to enjoy the Farmers Market, a jog along the cliffs overlooking Baker Beach, are necessary to keep things in perspective. Wishing you the best, and if you decide to go backpacking somewhere I have a bunch of gear you can borrow! :-)
You want to take a brief roadtrip Adam, let me know. You want to drive to a place less busy, more open, and with fresher air… let me know. I might be the company you want, but I can provide an ear, a smile, and the automobile and GPS to just get away a bit. I have been there man. Life tosses you holes to fall down, but many times they are really dips.
I really like this clip from the recent Rocky and what it has to say about life’s dips: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Z5OookwOoY
Adam,
I'm going to apply the comment I left just now (on your revision to an earlier post) to this one as well.
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Dude. Seriously.
This isn't the right mindset of the Adam Jackson I've seen happily staring back at me through a computer screen from a conference or even from his own desk. This isn't the Adam that has his own major dreams coming true bit-by-bit every day. And this certainly isn't a guy who I've never even met, but yet still get inspired and motivated by every time I can see a new blog post or video or quote posted by him.
I mentioned yesterday that I wrote down something very odd right after I started my break. You sent me a DM, and in it was the line, “Chin up, man.” That line, after having one of the crappiest nights of this year, made me smile so big that it hurt. And it's crazy to me, because I've never even met you! You're over in San Francisco, and you could be merrily on with your day paying no attention to others, but you don't. You take the time to reply to every single message and @reply I've sent you, and most of the times with legit, no-crap responses.
You need to realize eventually, Adam, that it's sort of a weird spot you've placed yourself into. You're a person that many others look to for a lead to follow, and that's a daunting idea. It's also a blessing in disguise. You have the ultimate tool to lead people – connections. You've connected with more people by being yourself and nothing else than any otehr person on the internet that I know of. Every other one of them has a ploy or a gimmick. Not you. You just do your own thing and the universe rewards you.
Go ahead and think these things about yourself if you really want to. I know exactly how you feel right now, because that's how I felt a few weeks ago. But for heaven's sake, don't do anything stupid, and make good decisions while you're gone. I'm sure I'm not the only one out here that would miss you if you left the web for good.
Chin up, man.
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That being said, just know that we will support you 100% in whatever you do, even if you decide to take an entire year off and live in the backwoods of California. Just watch out for wildfires, and don't develop the McCandless Phenomenon and think that you can survive out there un-readily.
Talk to you soon.
very powerful words and gives me more of an idea of what is going on.
i completely agree with how you said that you dont want to work for a paycheck, you should work for the enjoyment or the safety you find in that job and the money you earn is more or less the fruit of the fun.
although i am only 17, i feel the same way. i feel very insecure of my future and of the times that lay roughly ahead. im accepted to a college i love, i will be doing what i love, but the class of 2009 has the highest number of graduating student in history. that is amazing to many, but from everyones eyes my age, it just means more hassle, and more competition.
we talked briefly about this last night adam, and time alone maybe what you need. get away for a weekend and leave your life at work and at home and bring only yourself and the camping gear, beans and dont forget froot loops. i lived in myrtle beach, SC for 4 years and quiet time by the pier was the best. sad, happy, depressed, whatever emotion i always i felt prior to, i always left feeling better.
as i am on the complete opposite coast i cant point yo in a direction. but check to see if there is a campground near by, SF has to have them since it is such a diverse and massive city the camping fiends mustve set one up somewhere, and if a tree grows in brooklyn then a tree can grow anywhere. if not, i believe Bluraven has the best alternative, find a quiet, small church and see if they will let you reside and think things through. and you might be able to save that $400 too.
I hope things get better Adam. Stay strong my friend.