★ Finishing What I Started

I’d like to share a quote to start this post. The quote is by Miyamoto Musashi.

It may seem difficult at first, but everything is difficult at first.

Today I was given a choice and I haven’t made a decision yet. Generally, it’s best to write things out loud. Don’t worry, I’m going to keep this vague enough to protect all parties but specific enough that you can learn something and I can come to a realization that will affect my decision. Are you ready to get started?

Looking back at my life, I’ve never finished a project. It’s true. I’ve had many opportunities in life to follow through with something, to change a life and I’ve let it slip. I did this recently with one of my stealth projects. I’ll let you guess which one but I have 12 right now so I say to you, “good luck.” I don’t work well with others and I generally take on projects that, if I fail, no one will notice. My style is hype and failure and I do it a lot.

The great thing is, my projects just need hype sometimes. You have a product that you want hyped, okay I’ll do it but don’t expect me to continue that run for 1+ years. I need some coaching along the way or some pep talks to continue to path I was on. I’ve always gotten by on pep talks.

I realized this about my character as a young boy. I would start the school year with C and D grades. Nine weeks after the year started, Dad would tell me “what’s up” and the next quarter would see improved grades in the C and B range. I was always a B student if it was a topic that excited me. Let’s fast forward nine weeks and there would be Ds on the report card again and Dad being forced to scare me into studying once again. This trend would continue until the day I walked across the stage with a funny hat and a diploma in my hand. My High School GPA: 2.3.

After years of up and down, Dad still has faith in me. His love for me is eternal and I’ve had my chance to repay him for being an amazing Father and a wonderful friend and each time I have followed through for him. No request from him is too small and I will always be there for him not because he was there for me nor is it because I owe him but he’s my friend and now I get a chance to impress him with my passion,  knowledge of technology and my pursuit of being the best son I can be. Where i fell short in school, I rock in everyday life.

One constant that remains is my inability to finish what I started. I’m not going to list these things off but I did a post on January 1st where I listed my new years resolutions. It’s my prerogative to list things that I know can be easily attained but I always keep one to myself which is generally broken by April or May.

My secret resolution was to finish what I started. It doesn’t matter what “it” is and I had a feeling that the one thing would present itself at some point and I would make it my duty to not only realize I was breaking my resolution but to actually do something about it.

What drives me? Passion toward the subject matter, a love of the idea and a drive to feel a completed product in my hand or see it on my computer screen. This is what drives me and somewhere along the way I let people’s opinions, criticisms and negativity get to me. I also don’t fight for things.

I’ve never been much of a fighter. Oddly enough, this is something that kept Dad pushing me to do martial arts with him. Fighting physically, yeah I can do that because I’ve spent the last 20 years doing it with my Father. I was 14 and an Army Lieutenant and I were wearing very lightweight helmets and Dad was giving the gentleman private lessons. Dad asked that I fight the guy. it was a controlled environment and yes there were a couple of rules but the general idea was to see if the guy had learned anything after his time with Dad over the past few months. The “fight” lasted for over an hour. My body had no more liquid as I had stopped sweating and my nose began bleeding from the stress and from holding my breath. We would have kept going except the gentleman said that he was too tired to go on and he gave up.

This was all due to my Dad’s drive and push for me to be a fighter. Rewind 8 years and I was the boy who didn’t want to wrestle with little boys or play football or arm wrestle or even reclaim my place in line in the cafeteria as a kid cut in front of me and sadly, that part in me hasn’t changed. Push me or take a swing at me and I’ll fight and I will give it my all. Hell, I will bring a gun to a knife fight but if you skip in front of me for a promotion, cut me in line at the grocery store or cheat me out of anything, I’m not the kind of guy to stand up for what I believe is right.

I’ve always had an excuse saying that that guy isn’t worth it or it’s just one spot in line but it is important and it does mean something to me and every time I let someone skip in front of me, I lose a piece of myself. I’ve had projects in the past that I’ve been very passionate about and I almost let one go recently. I was going to let it go to someone else and now that this blog entry is done, I’ve decided to sacrifice every piece of my soul and everything that I’m involved with to see this through to the finish.

As I virtually breathe out this last sentence, I’ve decided that I will finish what I started and no I won’t be cut in line by someone else. I know they’re better and I know I don’t deserve to get chocolate milk before they do but I have to tap them on the shoulder and reclaim my spot.

This isn’t for Dad or my teachers and this isn’t even for Adam Jackson. This is for my soul. A lifetime of “yes” and it’s time to put one “no” in there. Of course, I’m not just going to reclaim my place in line because “I deserve it”. I know that I have to prove myself and pour my soul into it and show the other kid that I do have what it takes. This is the start of something new and I’m going to change everything to see that I “finish what I started.”

Thank you for reading.

[UPDATED]: So it looks like I gave up anyway. I conceded and here’s why.

• I’m too young
• I’m not smart enough.
• I’m not responsible enough.
• I’m forced to do work that only pays the bills.
• I can’t work at the level that is required of me.
• I can’t dedicate enough time to it.
• Oh and I’m a wimp that doesn’t stand up for what he believes in.

This is basically what I’ve been told so I’m going to believe it and give up. Hell, I should just move back to Florida and work at my grandfather’s farm.