I moved to SF from what seemed like a decent size town in Florida. We had about 50 thousand people in our city and 125 thousand people in our county. Of course, our city was about 24 square miles. In comparison, SF has nearly 1 million people in 7 square miles and I\u2019ve heard during big tourist weekends, the number can spike to nearly 2 million people. That\u2019s a huge difference. Yes, you read that right\u2014SF is only 7 square miles, so biking across it, around it and through it is super easy if you avoid the hills. I\u2019ve walked 12 miles all over SF in one day and it was a total breeze once my feet stopped hurting.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re moving to SF to be yourself, expand on your ideas and be creative, step carefully. Like many cities, SF is home to many micro-cultures and small groups of people that each have their own agendas, so it\u2019s difficult to maintain a balance. Imagine comparing the delicate balance of a rain forest to a dense city such as SF.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve noticed the things I failed to learn in high school continue to be problems today. In high school, it\u2019s either fit in or be a freak. Even the people you see in SF that you may call freaks, might be geniuses within their own culture or clique. There are guys who do something called \u201csteampunk,\u201d build \u201cart cars\u201d or have sex dressed up as furry animals. There\u2019s exhibitionists, users of all kinds of drugs, photographers, videographers, pornographers and even men dressed as women. It\u2019s okay to be yourself, creative and expressive as long as you do it as a member of a group. Local residents will call me out and say that I\u2019ve over analyzed this but it\u2019s true and maybe a few stories will help you understand this better.<\/p>\n
I wanted to be a part of the club scene in SF as I\u2019m very interested in house, trance, new age and jungle beat music. I consider myself an avid fan of dance music but I\u2019m not such a fan that I\u2019ve heard of obscure DJs or own thousands of dance albums on vinyl. I\u2019ve noticed in SF, nothing\u2019s \u201ccasual\u201d and it\u2019s all or nothing. I tried going to a few clubs and realized that everyone is dressed the same and I was just a normal guy wearing what I was comfortable in. I\u2019ve heard it\u2019s okay to be yourself but when everyone is dressed all in black, has piercings and some are doing drugs, I leave realizing that I\u2019m just not into the crowd. I heard about this club that\u2019s an all night place and when I went, the music was great and I decided to dance but instead, I was given dirty looks by people by the way I danced. I\u2019m a horrible dancer but isn\u2019t it about self expression?<\/p>\n
Giving up on the house scene, I decided I wanted to be a part of the party crowd of cool kids. \u201cThe cool kids\u201d is a made-up phrase that applies to a lot of people, but when I say cool kids, I\u2019m referring to the web celebrities that party and spend their company\u2019s VC funding on drinks and ski trips. I lasted about 3 months in this group. The issue was that I just couldn\u2019t afford to live up to their lifestyles. It wasn\u2019t a casual group and became an issue of having to be at too many events. The conversations always passed me by and I realized that I wasn\u2019t a part of this group either. People would be nicely dressed, order high-end beer and cocktails, hang out at fancy places in SF like the W Hotel or The Redwood Room and conversations would center around their travels, getting funded or speaking at conferences. On over a dozen occasions, I found myself being asked, \u201cWhere have you been lately?\u201d My response, \u201cUm, I went to Los Angeles for work for a day back in January\u201d while everyone else had been to China, London, Japan or Hawaii in the past 3 months.<\/p>\n
I tried to be a part of the bicyclist crowd. There are actually two kinds of these groups. Members of one group ride bikes that cost no less than 5 grand, wear expensive clothing, can bike hundreds of miles, are non talkative and love biking. You can\u2019t just show up and start hanging out if you’re still an amateur. My bike was only $800 and there\u2019s no way, at my skill level, that I could keep up. So I tried to be a part of the bike messenger crowd. Most bike messengers ride fixed gear bikes, they wear very tight clothes and are super skinny. I weigh 260 pounds, while these guys are around 175-200 pounds. They all wear messenger bags and somehow fit their bike lock in their back pocket. I\u2019ve tried and I can\u2019t get it to fit because my butt is too big. They hang out at bars like Zeitgeist and ride in packs. There\u2019s a level of arrogance to this crowd, so it was obvious my multi-speed bike and Levi jeans weren\u2019t going to cut it. I was basically shunned with no feasible entry point for starting a conversation or a friendship.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m running out of social circles, but I have a couple of other options for groups I can \u201cbe a part of.\u201d The first is photography. Even though I\u2019m an amateur, I\u2019m really good at it and I\u2019ve been told I have a good eye and just need work on my skills. The photo groups in SF travel a lot, have very expensive camera equipment and mostly consist of students or experienced photographers, so they\u2019re groups I can\u2019t really mesh with.
\nI\u2019m also trying to get in with the conference crowd. These are people that spend 20% of their work week at conferences, either as spectators or speakers, in order to soak up a ton of information and network with others. How is that a clique? It\u2019s hard to explain, but by attending conferences, when I meet someone new I can say, \u201cYes I was at Web 2 last week. John Smith delivered an excellent speech.\u201d It\u2019s a conversation starter when the person I\u2019m speaking with also attended or was familiar with the conference. The conference crowd is pretty small so it\u2019s easier to get to know everyone.<\/p>\n
My last chance at being a part of a clique is through the Burning Man Crowd. It\u2019s an artistic group, and I hear several of the members are older, have money and are known for doing drugs out in the dessert. I\u2019m only basing this off conversations I\u2019ve had with others and photos I\u2019ve seen, but no one\u2019s confirmed that theory yet. When I say money, I don\u2019t mean \u201cwealth.\u201d I mean they have 5 grand in the bank, and that\u2019s it. To me, having 5 grand in the bank is \u201cmoney\u201d and these people have it. I always thought artists were totally broke but I\u2019m realizing a ton of SF artists aren\u2019t broke at all and that\u2019s why they can spend all day building things.<\/p>\n
To be honest, I\u2019ve given up on fitting in. These cliques, crowds and circles are great when you are really interested in one thing or you want to meet new people and make friendships, but lately I\u2019ve given up. I have spent the last year trying to fit in, met a ton of people and added about 600 friends on Facebook, but I don\u2019t have one person that I would consider a real friend. By friend, I mean someone I can call at 5AM when my apartment is broken into, someone who will let me sleep on their couch for 2 days if I have to, or someone that will listen to me and offer advice when I have a problem. There are tons of people out there that would offer but I don\u2019t consider anyone enough of a friend to ask for those kind of favors. Cliques are great and circles are nice but friendships are very important and I\u2019m realizing that SF is a difficult city to settle down in when you\u2019re really seeking friendship.<\/p>\n
I told my Dad this last night and he agreed with me, saying that when he lived in a city at my age he realized that it\u2019s all about business, networking, alliances and money. It\u2019s very hard to build a lasting friendship in the city because everyone is looking out for themselves and trying to strike it rich. Individuals meet, find out they can\u2019t professionally offer each other anything and you move on. That\u2019s how it is. He said a lot of people spend their entire life this way and he recommended I get some real friends and seek to enjoy life more because my career doesn\u2019t mean anything if I don\u2019t have friends to share it with.<\/p>\n
To be honest, I didn\u2019t have any friends in high school because I was always the free spirit and never had enough qualities to be a part of one single group so I found myself bouncing around different groups. I was fine with it in high school, but now I need something more and it\u2019s time to meet some real friends. This was possible in my small hometown, but in SF, business comes first and making friends when you\u2019re not a part of their clique is very hard and has a high failure rate.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I moved to SF from what seemed like a decent size town in Florida. 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It was a fun week around San Francisco and I\u2019ve picked a few photos to share. 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