{"id":1221,"date":"2010-11-28T14:16:43","date_gmt":"2010-11-28T19:16:43","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/adam-jackson.net\/blog\/?p=1221"},"modified":"2010-11-28T14:16:43","modified_gmt":"2010-11-28T19:16:43","slug":"a-dose-of-perspective","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2010\/11\/28\/a-dose-of-perspective\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2605 A Dose of Perspective"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:14003,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.flickr.com\\\/photos\\\/adamjackson\\\/4265312716&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20190112070336\\\/https:\\\/\\\/www.flickr.com\\\/photos\\\/adamjackson\\\/4265312716\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-11-06 03:56:53&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-03-25 20:38:13&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-07 15:46:24&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2026-04-07 15:46:24&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a title=\"Mission-Dolores Park by adamjackson1984, on Flickr\" href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/adamjackson\/4265312716\/\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><img  loading=\"lazy\"  decoding=\"async\"  class=\"aligncenter pk-lazyload\"  src=\"data:image\/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAEAAAABAQMAAAAl21bKAAAAA1BMVEUAAP+KeNJXAAAAAXRSTlMAQObYZgAAAAlwSFlzAAAOxAAADsQBlSsOGwAAAApJREFUCNdjYAAAAAIAAeIhvDMAAAAASUVORK5CYII=\"  alt=\"Mission-Dolores Park\"  width=\"640\"  height=\"480\"  data-pk-sizes=\"auto\"  data-pk-src=\"http:\/\/farm3.static.flickr.com\/2713\/4265312716_cac325273a_z.jpg\" ><\/a><\/p>\n<p>She messaged me in October of 2009 on a dating website. My profile was just updated after the breakup with Laura and her message to me was broken or rushed. It said:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cDo you like cinema? I\u2019d like to go see a film. Tonight?<\/p>\n<p>I was working that day from a caf\u00e9 and cautiously made plans with her. I wasn\u2019t ready to start dating again so I stressed that we could see a film but I didn\u2019t want to make it a date. She didn\u2019t agree or disagree, just insisted that we meet. Her profile was bare but her photo was intriguing. Wearing a winter coat and standing with friends in the snow.<\/p>\n<p>I asked my friend Justin to tag along just in case she didn\u2019t show up or was legitimately insane. I honestly thought it was a joke played on me by the Internet. Justin and I grabbed dinner and went to the theatre. There she was, tall, beautiful, blond.<\/p>\n<p>She was Russian and attending University in San Francisco with a major in retail &amp; marketing. We went to the film and made plans to have dinner the following week. Her English wasn\u2019t very good but she had traits that really set her apart from other women.<\/p>\n<p>She wouldn\u2019t laugh unless something was truly funny to the point of hysterical laughter. She smiled genuinely. Her questions were simple and straight forward like, \u201cwould you like to kiss me?\u201d That time, I responded, \u201cum\u2026.\u201d And changed the subject. She was fashionable but didn\u2019t care what others thought and always wanted to keep things simple. Dinner, a movie, drinks, home.<\/p>\n<p>After our 5th date, I told her she was a great friend and she agreed. The only thing that may have made us more than friends was a time when we both had too much to drink at my apartment and ended up falling asleep. When I woke up, she was walking around my house in the nude but not in a sexual way. To her, in Russia, the body was nothing to be ashamed of. She made me eggs for me and went to school.<\/p>\n<p>I saw her every few days and we\u2019d have coffee mid-day or grab drinks and just talk about life, love and relationships. She was techie but not a geek and we really became great friends. We may have kissed twice as a good bye but it was friendly and very European.<\/p>\n<p>In May of this year, she went home to Russia to spend time with family before coming back to SF for graduation. The road home was treacherous. A flight into Moscow and then an 8-16 hour drive to her home (depending on how much snow was falling). To get home, it was nearly a full day of travel from 6AM to the following morning without even counting the time zone changes.<\/p>\n<p>She had been married once to a man who she did not love but it that didn\u2019t matter. That\u2019s how things were done. After 2 years, at the age of 21 she was divorced from him which was rare for that culture. Rarely do arranged marriages end after 2 years but his abuse was criminal and was her way out.<br \/>\nIt was July and I told her of my interview in Boston while we were having drinks. She had just returned from Russia and graduated. She seemed down and, like usual, insisted that I tell her stories of what I\u2019ve been up to, my job, my cooking and travels. We ended our date early that night and, I flew to Boston to interview at the job I have now.<\/p>\n<p>After accepting the position, we had dinner at a Mexican place on Van Ness in San Francisco. She was still down. I pushed and insisted that she share with me what was going on. Why she was so sad?<\/p>\n<p>She started to cry.<\/p>\n<p>She asked, \u201ccan I go with you?\u201d I didn\u2019t have an answer. Not sure what to say, \u201cwhy would you want to do that?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019ll be an adventure. I\u2019m tired of San Francisco. I want to go somewhere new.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Without thinking this out too much, I said, \u201cwell, you can but it\u2019ll be out in the country. Very quiet and cold. I guess it will be like Russia but I don\u2019t know why you\u2019d want to go.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>After this back and forth she told me this story.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cMy brother was sent to LA a few years ago. He went to University like me. Dad told him, \u2018never come back home until you\u2019ve been married and have citizenship in America.\u2019 That was 4 years ago and he\u2019s still in LA. When I went home, Dad told me the same thing. I must marry and then I can go home. I\u2019ve been trying to find a husband. Going to clubs, sports, bars. All of the men, they want sex and no marriage. I don\u2019t know what to do. I can\u2019t work in the US legally because my student Visa expired. I don\u2019t know what to do. I\u2019m afraid and very lonely.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This was heartbreaking.<\/p>\n<p>My friend who I\u2019d known for 10 months, the talented and beautiful girl who was so unique and real was stuck. She was asking me to marry her but just for a few years. She pleaded that she could cook &amp; clean and work. We could sleep separately and it would be a favor to her. She needed a friend to marry her and I was her closest friend. I remained speechless.<\/p>\n<p>After a few minutes of silence, I said no. It was cold and cruel to do that to a friend. To break the heart of someone who, at this rate, will end up marrying a man who doesn\u2019t care for her, will abuse her and disrespect her. She may be put in harms way and her family may never speak to her again until she is married. A 22 year old Russian Bride stranded in America, not until she meets the one but marries someone, anyone.<\/p>\n<p>We still talk. She remains in America and is still single.<\/p>\n<p>We all have choices but some are already made for us. Until you meet someone with a life of far less choice than yourself are you able to fully appreciate the blessings you have. Imagine yourself in her situation. Imagine not having a choice.<\/p>\n<p>Perspective.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"She messaged me in October of 2009 on a dating website. My profile was just updated after the&hellip;\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"apple_news_api_created_at":"","apple_news_api_id":"","apple_news_api_modified_at":"","apple_news_api_revision":"","apple_news_api_share_url":"","apple_news_cover_media_provider":"image","apple_news_coverimage":0,"apple_news_coverimage_caption":"","apple_news_cover_video_id":0,"apple_news_cover_video_url":"","apple_news_cover_embedwebvideo_url":"","apple_news_is_hidden":"","apple_news_is_paid":"","apple_news_is_preview":"","apple_news_is_sponsored":"","apple_news_maturity_rating":"","apple_news_metadata":"\"\"","apple_news_pullquote":"","apple_news_pullquote_position":"","apple_news_slug":"","apple_news_sections":[],"apple_news_suppress_video_url":false,"apple_news_use_image_component":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"csco_singular_sidebar":"","csco_page_header_type":"","csco_custom_appearance":"","csco_disable_excerpt_posts_layout":false,"csco_page_load_nextpost":"","csco_post_video_location":[],"csco_post_video_location_hash":"","csco_post_video_url":"","csco_post_video_bg_start_time":0,"csco_post_video_bg_end_time":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[6],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-1221","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-life","7":"cs-entry","8":"cs-video-wrap"},"apple_news_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pb3IC4-jH","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":1649,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2011\/01\/31\/justin-bieber-does-not-deserve-to-die\/","url_meta":{"origin":1221,"position":0},"title":"\u2605 Justin Bieber Does Not Deserve to Die","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"January 31, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"Justin Bieber has sold more records than most people will in their lifetime and he's only 16. I did some research before writing this post and I've determined that the kid has talent and the marketing engine keeps \u00a0him busy and making money. He can play real instruments and can\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Rants&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Rants","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/rants\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":8289,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2020\/08\/15\/life-engaged\/","url_meta":{"origin":1221,"position":1},"title":"Life: Engaged","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"August 15, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"This post is particularly tough not because planning a wedding or picking the person you want to be with the rest of your life is tough when you\u2019ve met that person and you know unequivocally that she is the one but this post is tough because I have to write\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Life&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Life","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":789,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2010\/02\/02\/im-thankful-for-my-friends\/","url_meta":{"origin":1221,"position":2},"title":"\u2605 I&#8217;m Thankful For my Friends&#8230;","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"February 2, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"I've been holed up for a few months now. Well, maybe that's an exaggeration. I've been distant. Yeah, that's better. I've been distant and kind of living, learning, loving and realizing so many things about myself. Every night, as the sun goes down, I sit in my apartment and open\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Ideas&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Ideas","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/ideas\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3918,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2013\/01\/14\/linked-the-end-of-courtship\/","url_meta":{"origin":1221,"position":3},"title":"\u2605 Linked: &#8220;The End of Courtship?&#8221;","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"January 14, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"NYTimes:\u00a0 Many young men these days have no experience in formal dating and feel the need to be faintly ironic about the process \u2014 \u201cto \u2018date\u2019 in quotation marks\u201d \u2014 because they are \u201cworried that they might offend women by dating in an old-fashioned way,\u201d Ms. Rosin said. \u201cIt\u2019s hard\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Social Media&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Social Media","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/social-media\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4159,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2014\/07\/30\/success-feels-good-when-there-are-waves-of-haters\/","url_meta":{"origin":1221,"position":4},"title":"Success Feels Good when there are waves of haters","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"July 30, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"\u201cGoogle Seals Deal to Buy Twitch for $1 Billion\u201d via Variety. Twitch was created by the founders of Justin.tv, a website designed for users to \u201clifecast\u201d themselves with online video. After a growing number of videogamers began using Justin.tv to broadcast their gameplay, the company launched the dedicated Twitch.tv service\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Technology&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Technology","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/technology\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":539,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2009\/09\/18\/michael-moores-capitalism-a-love-story-review\/","url_meta":{"origin":1221,"position":5},"title":"\u2605 Michael Moore&#8217;s &#8220;Capitalism: A Love Story&#8221; [REVIEW]","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"September 18, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"The first time I was exposed to Michael Moore was in the late 90s when I saw \"Bowling for Columbine\". I was just recently a teenager and didn't quite grasp every aspect of the film which is a reminder that I should probably go back and watch it again but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Ideas&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Ideas","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/ideas\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Michael Moore Speaking","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm3.static.flickr.com\/2546\/3930720494_c468515b53.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1221","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1221"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1221\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1221"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1221"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1221"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}