{"id":1046,"date":"2010-10-12T16:44:04","date_gmt":"2010-10-12T21:44:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/adam-jackson.net\/blog\/?p=1046"},"modified":"2010-10-12T16:44:04","modified_gmt":"2010-10-12T21:44:04","slug":"we-met-on-yelp","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2010\/10\/12\/we-met-on-yelp\/","title":{"rendered":"\u2605 We Met on Yelp&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<div class='__iawmlf-post-loop-links' style='display:none;' data-iawmlf-post-links='[{&quot;id&quot;:14200,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/www.flickr.com\\\/photos\\\/adamjackson\\\/4503114920&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20190131183522\\\/https:\\\/\\\/www.flickr.com\\\/photos\\\/adamjackson\\\/4503114920\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-11-06 04:24:08&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-12-29 00:14:03&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-12-29 00:14:03&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:200},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:14201,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/adam-jackson.net\\\/blog\\\/2010\\\/09\\\/10\\\/thoughts-on-growing-older&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20101017165218\\\/http:\\\/\\\/adam-jackson.net\\\/blog\\\/2010\\\/09\\\/10\\\/thoughts-on-growing-older\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-11-06 04:24:12&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-11-06 04:24:12&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;},{&quot;id&quot;:14202,&quot;href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/adam-jackson.net\\\/blog\\\/2010\\\/09\\\/27\\\/why-iwe-blog&quot;,&quot;archived_href&quot;:&quot;http:\\\/\\\/web-wp.archive.org\\\/web\\\/20101017165200\\\/http:\\\/\\\/adam-jackson.net\\\/blog\\\/2010\\\/09\\\/27\\\/why-iwe-blog\\\/&quot;,&quot;redirect_href&quot;:&quot;&quot;,&quot;checks&quot;:[{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-11-06 04:24:17&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404}],&quot;broken&quot;:false,&quot;last_checked&quot;:{&quot;date&quot;:&quot;2025-11-06 04:24:17&quot;,&quot;http_code&quot;:404},&quot;process&quot;:&quot;done&quot;}]'><\/div>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><a title=\"Here comes the sun by adamjackson1984, on Flickr\" href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/adamjackson\/4503114920\/\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\"><img  loading=\"lazy\"  decoding=\"async\"  class=\"aligncenter pk-lazyload\"  src=\"data:image\/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAEAAAABAQMAAAAl21bKAAAAA1BMVEUAAP+KeNJXAAAAAXRSTlMAQObYZgAAAAlwSFlzAAAOxAAADsQBlSsOGwAAAApJREFUCNdjYAAAAAIAAeIhvDMAAAAASUVORK5CYII=\"  alt=\"Here comes the sun\"  width=\"500\"  height=\"429\"  data-pk-sizes=\"auto\"  data-pk-src=\"http:\/\/farm5.static.flickr.com\/4023\/4503114920_dd5f756801.jpg\" ><\/a><\/p>\n<p>We met via Yelp\u2019s Talk section from a post I made in Columbus Ohio asking, \u201cwhat fun things are there to do in Columbus on a Monday night?\u201d Our email thread went back and forth all weekend. We met at my hotel at 6PM sharp in downtown Columbus as planned. Neither of us flaked and we both displayed the same relief that it had worked out.<\/p>\n<p>I didn\u2019t know exactly what this was going to be. My naivety has waned in the past 15 months as a single man. I used to display the same confidence, happiness and friendliness to everyone not realizing that, toward a woman, it can be considered flirting. Lately, I have learned to know better. I\u2019ve learned that when two single people have dinner and talk about ex-lovers that it\u2019s not just small talk. The person I\u2019ve always been, Adam the na\u00efve and Adam the \u201clet\u2019s be best friends\u201d is always hopeful that it\u2019s just dinner.<\/p>\n<p>As a post-grad Harvard med student told me in a bar one night, \u201cyou\u2019re a nester. You nest and that\u2019s only appealing to 30 year olds.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I haven\u2019t changed my \u201cnesting\u201d tendencies. I\u2019ve only done absolutely everything to not get involved with anyone which has worked out pretty well. I think this preface catches everyone up.<\/p>\n<p>She was kind, a drifter like me. We used drifter in conversation as if it was a good thing. Our ability to drop everything and start new is only matched by our lack of wealth and absence of long-term hobbies &amp; goals. We migrate, shift, grow, learn and evolve rapidly. Some call it a trait of \u201cmillennials\u201d but I like to consider it a movement in still life where only the rules of nature apply and we\u2019re along for the ride.<\/p>\n<p>We walked down the North district of Columbus where some of the finer bars and restaurants of\u00a0 the city were and it was 2 miles away from Ohio State where every restaurant has a beer pong table tucked somewhere in the back. She and I had Mexican food and talked about our adventures, Ohio and the fact that she is surrounded by hundreds of miles of corn fields but is allergic to corn. This made me laugh.<\/p>\n<p>There was a moment after my first beer and after enjoying a delicious soft taco with too much sour cream that we shared that moment. I don\u2019t make assumptions as to what people are thinking when they give me that look but my thought was, \u201coh shit.\u201d That was not what I signed up for. Luckily, it was a false alarm. I continued to be myself and she did as well but it wasn\u2019t until we said goodbye with a simple hug that the breathe of air I was holding in my lungs from fear that this was more than dinner finally escaped from my lungs. I had to have been holding that breathe in for 3 hours straight but I was nervous about what might happen which is normal for me.<\/p>\n<p>She was beautiful and very intelligent and a social media Jane of all trades and her goal was to live in 10 countries before she was 30. My goal, a less ambitious one of living in 10 cities in The US before I\u2019m 30 felt a bit childish. She only had 3 years left on her goal. After the 3<sup>rd<\/sup> martini, I did share that I kind of wished I lived in Columbus so we could see each other again. She smiled without realizing it and didn\u2019t say anything. That made me chuckle.<\/p>\n<p>These fragments of an experience are far more powerful than telling a full story. I\u2019m partly doing this on purpose but, at a few hundred words in, I actually have failed to talk about what I had planned on when powering on the laptop on this cross country flight from DC to Las Vegas.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ll end the very long preface with a note that I\u2019m doing this more lately. I\u2019ve been spending more time with both men and women for one or maybe two days with no goal, objective or networking opportunity. It\u2019s just a moment in time where two people come together to share themselves with each other. I find it exciting. For some reason, I have a hard time finding someone my own age or younger. Most of these moments are shared with people 28-45 years old. Occasionally, as you may have read in my story about <a href=\"http:\/\/adam-jackson.net\/blog\/2010\/09\/10\/thoughts-on-growing-older\/\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">Alice<\/a>, I\u2019m lucky enough to share wine with a retiree and am always amazed at what I learn in these encounters.<\/p>\n<p>V taught me something last night. It was so profound that I had to look away from her at the dinner table, apologize for my silence and take a solid 10 seconds away to process it. I apologized again for grabbing my phone to take a note. She grabbed hers in the silence to check in on Yelp to the restaurant.<\/p>\n<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;-<\/p>\n<p><em>\u201cI\u2019ll get home; I\u2019ll meet my friends at my favorite bar. We\u2019ll get some lighter heads for our heavy hearts. And we\u2019ll share a drink. Yeah we\u2019ll share our fears and they\u2019ll know how I love them.\u201d \u2013 Coner Oberst<\/em><\/p>\n<p>We were talking about blogging &amp; twitter and social media and discussing sharing. After 10 minutes of chatter on the subject with our respective backgrounds she said, \u201cYou won\u2019t find me on Twitter or Facebook. I only use Yelp and it\u2019s really just a way to be artistic and have fun.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When talking about her travels through Spain and upcoming adventures in Thailand and Australia and stopping in to visit a friend in London, I wrapped up our brief chat about ex-lovers with, \u201cwhen will you write your story?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She paused and said, \u201cI\u2019ll write it when it\u2019s done\u2026which will probably never happen so maybe my story won\u2019t be written. I\u2019m okay with that.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>That statement shared with a guy like me who not only shares every moment of his life but geotags it with location, documents the date &amp; time and incorporates tweets, blogs and photos with location check-ins to make a biography that I think will be a great read for my kids or something I can read when I\u2019m old and gray.<\/p>\n<p>Needless to say, it stopped me dead in my tracks. My mind started spinning and after writing this down, I said, \u201cThere are largely two kinds of people in the world. There are people who share carelessly. The cult of personality spawns celebrity egotism and spawns more sharing to the point where you\u2019re living your life just to share it (<a href=\"http:\/\/adam-jackson.net\/blog\/2010\/09\/27\/why-iwe-blog\/\" rel=\"nofollow noopener\" target=\"_blank\">something I blogged about recently<\/a>) where nothing is worth doing unless it\u2019s something that the \u201cfollower\u201d will mark it as a favorite once you tweet it.<\/p>\n<p>The other kind of person is the follower. They may selectively share mundane aspects of their life but not to a degree that someone like Nick Starr or I would. Even those of you that deny it can\u2019t deny that it makes you feel good when someone comments, replies or re-posts something that you\u2019ve shared. Twitter\u2019s co-founders have said many times that a majority of Twitter users don\u2019t tweet. They follow those that they\u2019re interested in and don\u2019t say a word. I have over 3,700 followers but only 200 reply to me once a month. I saw the influx of replies when I announced the departure from San Francisco for New Hampshire from people that never chatted with me before. They were there all along.. Last night, a photo from a high school friend was shared on Facebook of her husband and new son together and they looked so happy. I commented briefly, \u201chappy family. You all look so happy.\u201d She messaged me saying, \u201cI read your blog posts. I just don\u2019t comment.\u201d Last month, a colleague at my job was approached by a kid at a tech party asking if Adam was there. They said I was not and he said something along the lines of, \u201cAdam is so awesome. I love following him.\u201d This is a kid I\u2019ve never heard from before but he\u2019s 14 and reading every tweet and blog post.<\/p>\n<p>These are the two types of people that I see most often in the world. Alphas who dominate and over share until they become their own worst enemy and eventually fall off the deep end which is something I\u2019ve almost done a couple of times. I think the EncyclopediaDramatica entry on \u201cAdamsBlock\u201d had a description of me and it contained the tidbit, \u201cis showing an over inflated sense of self-importance\u201d. Yes, I was becoming what I\u2019ve always feared. Then, the other type who religiously follows but rarely interacts. This is true in life among humans, in nature among other animals and goes far beyond social media.<\/p>\n<p>This is why V\u2019s quote made me pause. I know this is certainly one way to go about it but I never actually heard it spoken aloud. When I dug a little deeper, she said that it was better to stand behind someone and be in the shadows pushing them into fame and stardom or talking to a friend for hours to console that friend after a loss of a job or family member than publicly boast online how awesome life was. On the other end, she\u2019d rather take time to live her own life and make every day the best she can without wasting time following, reading and becoming involved with the stories of others.<\/p>\n<p>Of course, being in social media (for now, at least) she backtracked a bit to say that there\u2019s nothing wrong with either side of the spectrum but her story is more fun if she\u2019s living it and not capturing it.<\/p>\n<p>When I probed by asking, \u201cdo you think your story isn\u2019t important enough to share?\u201d She said that it wasn\u2019t an issue of self-confidence. It\u2019s just the simple fact that writing this all down would be a waste and sitting at home following a Twitter stream would mean that she couldn\u2019t take trips across the world and be adventurous and\u2026\u2026meet people like me.<\/p>\n<p>That was the moment where I held back from giving this stranger a hug and said. You\u2019re right. When we parted ways, she asked that I not use her name in the post. \u201cIt\u2019s more important to affect people while living your own life day to day than to write it down day to day.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Wow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"We met via Yelp\u2019s Talk section from a post I made in Columbus Ohio asking, \u201cwhat fun things&hellip;\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"apple_news_api_created_at":"","apple_news_api_id":"","apple_news_api_modified_at":"","apple_news_api_revision":"","apple_news_api_share_url":"","apple_news_cover_media_provider":"image","apple_news_coverimage":0,"apple_news_coverimage_caption":"","apple_news_cover_video_id":0,"apple_news_cover_video_url":"","apple_news_cover_embedwebvideo_url":"","apple_news_is_hidden":"","apple_news_is_paid":"","apple_news_is_preview":"","apple_news_is_sponsored":"","apple_news_maturity_rating":"","apple_news_metadata":"\"\"","apple_news_pullquote":"","apple_news_pullquote_position":"","apple_news_slug":"","apple_news_sections":[],"apple_news_suppress_video_url":false,"apple_news_use_image_component":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"csco_singular_sidebar":"","csco_page_header_type":"","csco_custom_appearance":"","csco_disable_excerpt_posts_layout":false,"csco_page_load_nextpost":"","csco_post_video_location":[],"csco_post_video_location_hash":"","csco_post_video_url":"","csco_post_video_bg_start_time":0,"csco_post_video_bg_end_time":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[8,18],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-1046","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-motivational","7":"category-travel","8":"cs-entry","9":"cs-video-wrap"},"apple_news_notices":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pb3IC4-gS","jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":2120,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2014\/02\/27\/update-on-the-hill-farmstead-gotta-review-em-all-project\/","url_meta":{"origin":1046,"position":0},"title":"\u2605 Update on the Hill Farmstead &#8216;gotta review em all&#8217; Project","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"February 27, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"In August, I wrote this post about trying to rate every HFS beer. I\u2019ve made some progress in the 6 months since that post but I think things are slowing down a lot. If any of my readers have some of the bottles I haven\u2019t reviewed, please get in touch.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;My Thoughts&quot;","block_context":{"text":"My Thoughts","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/my-thoughts\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1043,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2010\/10\/11\/three-lessons-a-seed-for-future-writings\/","url_meta":{"origin":1046,"position":1},"title":"\u2605 Three Lessons &#8211; A Seed for Future Writings","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"October 11, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Tonight was pretty awesome. Three things I must remember to write about at length in the future. - What if I'm not ready to tell the story until it's done? There are two types of people. Those that share everything and those that absorb, follow and fall in love with\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Ideas&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Ideas","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/ideas\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Night time Sky","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm3.static.flickr.com\/2477\/3884863208_53a3a58803_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm3.static.flickr.com\/2477\/3884863208_53a3a58803_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm3.static.flickr.com\/2477\/3884863208_53a3a58803_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":1104,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2010\/11\/01\/stretching\/","url_meta":{"origin":1046,"position":2},"title":"\u2605 Stretching.","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"November 1, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"In your youth, did you ever do the splits or take on a physical task where nervousness or confidence or impressing someone got the best of you and you spent the next few weeks in bed with a pulled muscle? We've all done this. Was it worth it? Usually never.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Motivational&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Motivational","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/motivational\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Watch for Pedestrians","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm5.static.flickr.com\/4054\/5076078129_1251b477f4_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm5.static.flickr.com\/4054\/5076078129_1251b477f4_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm5.static.flickr.com\/4054\/5076078129_1251b477f4_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3410,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2012\/01\/09\/a-year-or-more-away-from-tech-conferences\/","url_meta":{"origin":1046,"position":3},"title":"\u2605 A year (or more) away from Tech Conferences","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"January 9, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"The last tech conference I attended was SXSW in March of last year. Prior to that, Blogworld was in between trips to Columbus and Amsterdam. I really love those two shows because of the people, the content and the locations. Austin and Vegas are two of my favorite cities and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Life&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Life","link":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Dancing @ Enzo","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.staticflickr.com\/5060\/5520281583_19841f9ee0_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.staticflickr.com\/5060\/5520281583_19841f9ee0_z.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/farm6.staticflickr.com\/5060\/5520281583_19841f9ee0_z.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":378,"url":"https:\/\/adamchandler.me\/blog\/2012\/06\/07\/review-duvel-tripel-hop-2012-citra\/","url_meta":{"origin":1046,"position":4},"title":"\u2605 Review: Duvel Tripel Hop 2012 (Citra)","author":"Adam Chandler","date":"June 7, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"When a beer store who was saving beers for me offered to save a Tripel Hop I scoffed because we get it stateside around the holidays each year and I was never really a fan of it. 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